Colorful Summer
Dear North Carolina,
I'd like to file a formal complaint against the weather.
I don't know who at Mother Nature woke up and said, "You know what would be fun? Let's wrap the entire state in a hot, wet towel," but I'd like a word.
Stepping outside in North Carolina right now isn't "going outdoors." It's volunteering to be steamed like a basket of dumplings.
The weather app keeps saying it's 97°, but "feels like 108°." Oh, thank you. That's incredibly helpful. It's nice to know my weather app has also started lying to protect my feelings.
The humidity is out here committing crimes.
My glasses fogged up before I made it to the porch. My hair has expanded into a witness protection program. I took a shower this morning and somehow came home needing another one... after walking to the mailbox.
My car has become an Easy-Bake Oven.
The steering wheel? Lava.
The seat belt buckle? A medieval torture device.
The seat itself? Congratulations, you've just sautéed your thighs.
And don't even pretend your air conditioner is your friend. It spends the first ten minutes blowing what can only be described as "slightly cooler disappointment."
Meanwhile, every dad in North Carolina is still saying, "It's not the heat... it's the humidity."
Sir... the humidity IS the heat. They're working together. They're in a partnership. They have a shared business account.
The wildlife has completely checked out.
The birds have stopped singing because they don't have the energy.
The squirrels are pancaked across tree limbs questioning every life decision.
The mosquitoes, however? They're thriving. Apparently they're solar powered now.
The lawn is growing like it has a personal vendetta against me.
It waits until the hottest day of the week, then suddenly gains six inches overnight.
Sure, I could mow it...
...at 6:30 in the morning with a headlamp.
Or I could simply let nature reclaim the property and tell people I live in a wildlife sanctuary.
I've reached the point where I don't even check the forecast anymore.
Sunny? Miserable.
Cloudy? Miserable with mood lighting.
Rain? Congratulations. Now it's a tropical steam room.
The only people enjoying this weather are the power company and whoever invented ceiling fans.
Every trip outside becomes a strategic military operation.
"Do I really need what's in the garage?"
"No."
"But my phone charger..."
"It belongs to the garage now."
And let's talk about wearing flip-flops.
One wrong step onto the driveway and you're suddenly auditioning for Riverdance because the concrete is approximately the temperature of fresh pizza.
People say, "Just stay hydrated."
Friend, I've consumed enough water to qualify as a reservoir. I'm still sweating sweet tea.
At this point, if someone offered me a one-way ticket to Antarctica, I'd ask if there was assigned seating.
So here's to another North Carolina summer...
Where your deodorant quits before lunch.
Your AC deserves employee-of-the-month.
And walking from the grocery store to your car counts as cardio.
See y'all in October. Maybe.
It's too hot to go anywhere, so I created another fun set of free digital planner stickers.
"Colorful Summer". All you have to do is click the link below!
I've included the PNG files and also a Goodnotes file. It will import the stickers into Goodnotes with the cover you see below.
Please do NOT share these stickers with anyone. Please have them come here to download them. I don't require your email, or to sign up. The more traffic to my site, the better for me!
Please do not distribute these stickers as your own!
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| Click here to download |
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