When Homeschooling Isn't a Good Choice.

I know my title may upset many but there are times where homeschooling isn't a good choice. There...I said it.

When I had my younger two children, there was no doubt that i'd be homeschooling. I had already homeschooled my older two through high school and I simply love doing it.

My reasons for homeschooling my younger two is that I simply love being with them and teaching them. This however, is VERY different than the reasons I homeschooled my older two.

With my older two, I was going to give the a better education, more God-centered. I was going instill in them the biblical and moral values I felt were important and more importantly , I was keeping the government from instilling their political and social morals to my children. This is what I would tell people....Now, here are some of the reasons in my heart.
*I was going to be a perfect parent.
*I was going to keep them from making the same mistakes I made
*I was going to have perfect teens who never rebelled.

I'm being very real, honest and open here. Now my reasons were WRONG. The ONLY thing that saved me was the fact that the Lord really was calling me to homeschool.

Here is what I quickly realized.......
*I am a sinner.
*My children are sinners.
*They did NOT see me as their academic authority
*I had no idea the fight I was in for.
*I've been humbled

When I first started homeschooling, my older two did not think I was really their academic teacher. I would hear things like, "That's not how my teacher taught us."... I would respond, "I'm your teacher now".
The first 2 months of homeschooling was hard. Not only did I have to reteach my children to obey me, I also had to teach them simple life skills.
Life skills you say?? Yes!!
They were in school for a bulk of the day.... So I cleaned, vacuumed, emptied and filled up the dishwasher, etc.
Once we started homeschooling, they had to make their beds, etc. These were things that they really weren't around for.
After the first 2 months things got much easier.
As we approached adolescence, It was CLEAR that my children were.... rebellious teens.

I had failed.

This is where faith, prayer , God's Grace and Mercy come in.

All this I share because i've seen the "homeschooling" Community change VERY much over the course of 18 years.
When I first started homeschooling and talking with other mom's, they were all homeschooling because they felt a clear calling on their lives. With the onset of Common Core , many parents are homeschooling for very different reasons. As homeschooling has gotten more popular, other reasons are creeping in. I'll talk about those in a minute.

Many parents are starting to homeschool because of the Common Core. One of the biggest things I say to them, "IF you can't get your children to make their own beds ,or clean up their room, chances are you're not going to get them to do their school work."

Why am I so harsh in my words?? Because I've seen JUST THAT!! Parents have lost control. Not all parents, but most.  When you start homeschooling, you need to really be ready to RETEACH your child and make them part of the family. Yes, Part of the family. The way society is set up, from the moment our children turn 3, they're in "Preschool", we start a separation. A "Me" vs. "We" mentality. This needs to be undone. This can be conquered but I find that many new homeschoolers have some unrealistic expectations. Once you get those right, everything else will fall into place.

Now onto some other reasons i've noticed.......
If you're taking your child out of school for social, behavioral and / or academic reasons, you MUST check your heart and your motives. This is one area that is not governed by the school district.

Social: I've seen parents take their children out of school because they simply don't get along with any of the children. This isn't a good reason. Unless there is psychological diagnosis, helping them THROUGH this and learning from it is probably better. Your child WILL Still have these issues with the homeschooling community. Yes, we're probably more likely to help you through it but if this is your ONLY Motive, you may want to rethink it.
**If you talk to the teacher and ask her to help and support you through this...they WILL. Teachers are wonderful and will help you...as long as you're not in denial and think your child is an angel. 

Behavioral: This is another area that's tough to talk to parents about. This goes back to the "If you can't get your child to clean their rooms....". I see many parents taking their children out of school for this reason. It's the "Teacher's fault", "The students fault", "They don't like my kid...." And the list goes on. Here is my rule of thumb for all MY children.
*If they're having discipline issues with EVERYONE....then MY Kid is the problem.
That's a tough pill to swallow. We don't like to think of our precious children being less than perfect, but taking them out of school WILL Help... It will help you from NOT dealing with it. Again... it's a hard pill to swallow but our motives speak volumes to our children.
**Again, humble yourself the teachers WILL Help you. They're not out to get your kid, they just need parents who are willing to admit their child has an issue that needs to be dealt with. 

Academic: Usually when children have issues like the two i've mentioned, their usually behind academically. I'm not saying that if your child has a learning disability not to homeschool. On the contrary, children with ADD/ADHD and Dyslexia , etc do MUCH BETTER with homeschooling. Nothing is more powerful than a mom who is teaching their own child with a disability. My older son has ADD and homeschooling really saved him academically. The problem is that if you don't have the authority, respect and control of your child, this is an area that will suffer. REALLY SUFFER.
I've seen parents use Homeschooling instead of signing their children out of school at 16.
All these things make homeschoolers....REALLY Passionate homeschoolers LOOK BAD. It makes homeschooling look bad!!

If your ready to start homeschooling, and your'e afraid...then you're in the right place!! Taking on this much of a responsibility should be fraught with worry, research and a passion. More importantly, it's a calling. Just as teaching as a profession is a calling, so is being a homeschooling mom.

Even with all my imperfections, poor reasons and deceitful heart, homeschooling has worked for us. Why?? Because it's a calling. If you feel called to homeschool....enjoy it but be prepared for the ride of your life. If you DO NOT feel the calling to homeschool. It's ok...IT's great.. in fact... It's AWESOME!!! Do what you've been called to do!!! Check your heart and trust in the One who can turn ashes into beauty.

Laura